emotional baggage

i miss you so much baby, i wasn't able to sleep last night in fact i haven't got any good night sleep since our relationship become rocky. I'm missing you badly. I sent you a message last night and try to call you many times but you weren't accepting the call and then there's one text i got that your dad is using your phone. wish you were able to let me know that you are not the one using it last night so i didn't disturb your parents when I'm messaging and calling you so many times. they might thinks i'm stupid and pathetic, well that maybe true. I don't know why until now I still don't have the courage to leave you even though its really hurting me. Sometimes i don't know who I am anymore. I wasn't the girl who drink or smoke but now when people asking me why such i do things now I can't just say because there's this boy who broke my heart and I don't know what to do to pick up the pieces that's been lying on the ground for quite sometime

I still love you very much but sometimes I wish i don't. I feel that you don't deserve me. You don't deserve to be loved and taken cared of someone who let her heart break in so many pieces every time you just ignore her.

Every time i close my eyes at nigh I still wish that I would not wake up but still I'm alive and typing wish i could ask for more...

kagabe inisip ko sana bukas di na ko magising pero ito namulat pa din ang mga mata ko.. ang bigat pa rin ng pakiramdam ko. ayoko na pumasok wala akong gana, bakit ganun parang walang tamang nangyayare sa buhay ko ngayun. :(

date sinabe ko sa friend ko kung ok ang career ko olats naman sa love and vice versa pero nde eh ngayun parehong di tama. Ang bigat sa dibdib gusto ko na matapos ang agony na to. Hindi ako makapag isip ng derecho. Ang gulo gulo palage ng isipan ko. Marami nga taong nakakapansin na ang sunget at palage ako nakasimangot. Pasensya na ganun yata talaga pag mabigat ang pakiramdam mo..

Minsan dumadapo na sa isip ko ang pakamatay, yung text ko nga sa kanya kagabe sabe ko sana bukas di na ko magising.. nag txt sya "nye, ang babaw, kaya yan" buti pa sya nasasabe nya na kaya ako gusto ko na sumuko.. makakalbo na ko sa stress, di nga nag hair fall talaga ako dahil sa problemang to.

please please gusto ko na makawala sa sitwasyong to at simulan maging tama ang lahat

ang saket makita ang bago mong profile pictures sa fb at ang mga bagong mga pictures na upload mo. nahirapan ka yata pumili ng magandang pang profile pic. pansin ko lang lahat ng inupload mong pictures puro solo pictures mo. ay meron pa lang picture ng barkada mo sa ust.

hinde ko alam napaparanoid lang ba ako o talagang pinili mo ang mga gwapo mong solo pic na inupload mo sa fb.. kagabe nag txt ka pa saken baby, lets meme na.. mahirap mag send... sweetdreams, iloveyou.. at ngayun pag bukas ko ng fb may makikita akong pictures mo na inupload ng kaibigan mo na nag inuman kayo kagabE? so anu yung txt ba na yun kagabe eh para lang tigilan ko na ang pag txt sayo.. bakit ganun ba ko kaistorbo sayo.. nde na nga ko nanghihingi ng oras na makasama ka pati ba naman sa pagttxt iniiwasan mo pa rin ako..

ang saket ng makita kong may mga update ka pa kaninang madaling araw sa fb mo.. akala ko ba matutulog na tayo sabe mo kase sa txt mag meme na tayo..

anu ba naglolokohan na lang ba tayo... bakit mo ko ginaganito may mali ba kong ginawa sayo? bakit mo ko sinasaktan ng ganito.. OO masakit OO hirap na hirap na ko pero mahal kita umasa ako na ako lang ang mamahalin mo.. pero bakit ganito..

It's been awhile I almost forgot I have this blog.
Grabe ang saket!!! lahat ng mga nakasulat sa letter nya wala na :'(

Hindi ko alam kung anu nangyare.. sa totoo lang hinde ko alam bakit dumating kame sa ganitong point. Ang saket.. super saket... Bigla na lang isang araw I don't feel he cares for me. Yes he text me and call me at times but I cannot see actions. Wala na yung pag aalala kung asana akong lupalop, kung nakauwe ba ko ng maayos.. ako na lang ang palageng nag aalala sa kanya. Hinihintay ko sya hanggang makaiuwe sya kahit anung oras pa yan kahit umaga na.. hinde kase ako matahimik pag hinde ko alam kung asan sya.. I know I'm not being controlling kase hindi naman ako nag dedemand ng so much time from him pero bakit ganun I can't see any effort from him to see me or to be with me..

Ang saket!!! kapag nagkikita kame na imbis na yakapin nya ko, nag hi hello lang and wala na saken na ang effort kung anu gagawin namen that day. We see each other 1 hour a week kase palage syanng maraming reason not to be with me..

I don't know what to feel or think anymore..
ang alam ko lang ANG SAKET!!!

hinde ko alam kung hanggang kelan ko kakayanin to..

Have you ever felt that you wanted to do something but you’re scared to do it? I’m feeling so anxious these days. I wanted to apply for a part time job but every time there’s an offer I feel that I’m not confident to do it. Now I feel like I’m hiding to those employer who actually hired me or trust me to write articles for them. Also, I just felt that it’s not worth it, $1 for 300 words article/ 8 articles a day. It consumes most of my time and writing article for me with specific keyword is not that easy, I need to think and make sure it’s original. I don’t want to plagarize some one else work. I'm becoming so unprofessional.

Then there’s this one who actually wants to interview me, I dunno the task yet but it’s something to do with SEO. I haven’t talk to her and I’m chickening out. I don’t know where’s my self-confidence go? I’m loosing trust on my own self. I know this is not the same me for I have done this before, I just don’t know why right now, I don’t have that gut to do things.

How can I be that person with so much confident? How? L

I was surprised when I read my email that Havaianas launched a bag collection! It is such a perfect match to our favorite flip flops. The bag looks very stylish, combine classic shapes with Havaianas aesthetics.



If you want to watch the fashion show click here

Hmmm still thinking if I should include this to my Christmas wish list