emotional baggage

i miss you so much baby, i wasn't able to sleep last night in fact i haven't got any good night sleep since our relationship become rocky. I'm missing you badly. I sent you a message last night and try to call you many times but you weren't accepting the call and then there's one text i got that your dad is using your phone. wish you were able to let me know that you are not the one using it last night so i didn't disturb your parents when I'm messaging and calling you so many times. they might thinks i'm stupid and pathetic, well that maybe true. I don't know why until now I still don't have the courage to leave you even though its really hurting me. Sometimes i don't know who I am anymore. I wasn't the girl who drink or smoke but now when people asking me why such i do things now I can't just say because there's this boy who broke my heart and I don't know what to do to pick up the pieces that's been lying on the ground for quite sometime

I still love you very much but sometimes I wish i don't. I feel that you don't deserve me. You don't deserve to be loved and taken cared of someone who let her heart break in so many pieces every time you just ignore her.

Every time i close my eyes at nigh I still wish that I would not wake up but still I'm alive and typing wish i could ask for more...